How it all started
For the first 29 years of my life, I felt sexually broken, paralyzingly numb and disconnected from my body and Pussy.
I grew up with strong messaging from culture and media that displayed to me that by the very nature of having a female body, I mattered less. That my voice was less important, that my body is shameful and should be hidden away or that it is dangerous because my body causes uncontrollable behaviour in men and so you need to hide your body for protection. I received strong messaging that my pleasure was not for me but that it was for a man and that I would only feel the most during sex with a man, and not from my own self. I learned that my body and beauty are for the male gaze and that my body and beauty are to be used to sell products, which in turn created a sense that my body is not meant for me but it is meant for others. I Indirectly made the understanding that if I didn't feel pleasure or experience rip-roaring orgasms like I saw in Pornography, then I was broken, defective and something was wrong with me.
I grew up not having been displayed the truth of what sex, pleasure and intimacy truly are.
For me, sexuality and genitals were experienced in more of a hyper-medicalized way; for doctors, it's more of a problem area to be fixed. I learned that my pleasure and orgasms should work similarly to what a male’s body experiences. Some of this comes from a research study done by Masters and Johnson in the 70s. Where they mapped the female orgasm to the male orgasm. This didn't fully capture a female body’s experience of pleasure and orgasm and so still left many women feeling unresolved in their pleasure and orgasmic experiences. Though it's common to not get funding to study the female body, at least there was a study done and are seeing more information coming out in recent decades that are helping Women finally claim their orgasmic nature through the support of science and research.
I learned that for me to experience pleasure that it would happen when I have sex with a man. That “real” orgasms happen when I am with a man.
Because I wasn't taught much about my body, my vulva or my pleasure I started to make that mean that my pleasure didn't matter and that my body's needs didn't matter either.
Not having role models of healthy relationships, depth of self-love, intimacy and healthy communication. This created a strong feeling of something being wrong with me. I felt the shame of having a body, that I should hide and connection to others is not healthy and intimacy with others would be painful.
As I grew into a young adult, I started to get the message that my worth in society, as a woman, is something transactional. That in order to be loved and accepted I needed to be likeable, nice, appeasing and good-looking for men, but also not too good-looking or threatening.
When I had sex I was usually intoxicated because I didn't know how to ask for what I wanted or needed or even knew what I wanted or needed. This left me feeling unsatisfied, insecure and alone inside of myself. I felt like there was something wrong with me because I didn't feel pleasure, I felt dissociated in my body and would feel pain during sex.
Eventually, my body shut down and I went into a 5-year numbness not even self-pleasuring. In actuality for 29 years I didn't even self-pleasure for enjoyment, it was more for stress relief, and I tended to avoid it.
In 2018, I hit a low and knew I needed help. All this while I was dabbling and studying ancient traditions and sciences like Tantra, Ayurveda and Buddhism (which is a branch of Tantra).
During this low in my life, I had heard of Ayahuasca and was curious about what it could do for my life.
I went on a deep journey over those next 3 years. What grew out of that was a confirmation of continuing to work with these ancient traditions and to study, practice and implement Ayurveda, Buddhism and the Left-handed path of Tantra more seriously.
As I deepened into the embodied practices of these traditions, I started to notice that Tantra offered much of the deep transformational work that I was doing when sitting with these plant teachers.
I began learning Tantra from my teacher Layla Martin in 2016 and took her full intensive coaching certification in September 2020.
Studying under her and embodying the VITAtm Methodology, confirmed to me that much of what I would experience in plant medicine ceremonies, would happen in my pleasure rituals. Full integration and rewrites of trauma and awakening my pleasure and orgasm to its original and natural essence.
I learned that for good reason my body had shut down and that I wasn't broken, and that many women are not taught about their sexuality and are not supported to express their orgasmic nature.
I learned that my pleasure is a technology and a tool that can help alchemize my innerworld, manifest the life of my dreams and that I can actually make love to all of life, with and through my body while being in flow with myself.
I learned that a female's Sexual Power is undeniably Vital for her thriving.
I learned how to have all the orgasms!!! Energy orgasms, cervical orgasms, nipple and breast orgasms, G-spot, anal, full body, you name it! I unlocked the power of my pleasure and am self-pleasure regularly, connecting me to the truth of who I am and being fully present in my body.
I learned how to deeply and truly love myself and my body so that I am free to let pleasure flow throughout my entire body in ways that were once unimaginable.
I learned how to be deeply intimate with myself through my pleasure. I learned how to connect the intelligence of Pussy to my entire being and truly open to the magic of life, while being completely connected to myself. I also learned to how to stand in that while connecting with others. I am now full in a way that was once not even imaginable.
My cup is now full, overflowing and it is in my greatest pleasure to guide you into the embodied wisdom of your pleasure, your body, your orgasm and restore you back to your original essence.
I am certified in the VITA ™ Methodology, which is the Vital Integrated Tantric Approach to Sex Love and Relationships. I have studied and practiced over 3800+ hours in this work and guided professionally 250+ hours of coaching with Clients.
I am currently mentoring under Marina Nabão in her Artistry of Embodiment Coaching, to continue my training and depth of holding space for transformations in a deeply embodied way.
I am continuing my studies in Life Transitions, which includes understanding death, loss, grief, seasonal rituals, menstruation, menopause and aging. This is something I will be weaving into my work at the end of 2023.
When a woman connects to her pleasure and her pussy, she becomes an unstoppable force.